Separated, divorced, widowed, or perhaps living alone from the start. No matter what your life circumstances and reasons are: everyday life as a single father can be challenging. But also wonderful. We have concrete tips for you on how you can actively shape your father-child happiness.
Single father? More and more dads are taking over childcare
Statistics show: the majority of single parents are still female and usually the child's mother. According to the Federal Statistical Office, around 2.09 million mothers and about 435,000 fathers were single parents in Germany in 2020. Nevertheless, there is a trend towards growth among single fathers. More and more dads are taking over the primary care of the child - for example, after a divorce.
By the way, this has nothing to do with custody. You are considered single parenting if you live with minor children, take over the primary care, and raise them alone. In other words: even with shared custody, you can be a single father.
What are you entitled to as a single father?
Of course, single dads have the same entitlements as single mothers. This means, for example, that you receive so-called childcare maintenance if your child lives with you or you can apply for paternity leave. But there are even more things you are entitled to. Here is a brief overview:
- Maintenance: Should you be a single parent – for example after a separation or a divorce – you are entitled to maintenance from the mother. The Düsseldorf Table gives you a good overview of the amount of maintenance. If the child's mother is not willing to pay this, you can contact the Youth Welfare Office. The staff at the Youth Welfare Office will advise and support you in enforcing the maintenance claim. In cases of hardship, you can also sue for maintenance with the help of a lawyer.
- Child benefit: In addition, you can claim the child benefit paid by the state. This is currently around 200 euros per month for the first child and another 200 euros for the second child.
- Childcare costs: If you spend money on a daycare center, kindergarten, childminder, or after-school care, you can deduct these costs from your taxes.
- Time off for child's illness: As a single dad, you can take up to 20 days off if your child is ill, provided the child is under 12 years old. This requires a medical certificate.
- Parental allowance: If you are the single father of a newborn, it is best to apply for parental allowance, as you are entitled to it. It supports you financially while you take care of your baby.
- Father/Mother-child health retreat: What many do not know: as a single father, you can legally claim a father-child health retreat. The 21-day retreat is intended to act as a preventive measure against health burdens. Your doctor can certify the necessity of the retreat for you.
Suddenly a single father - how you can organize yourself better
Especially the first few weeks as a single father can be very challenging for you and your child, because suddenly everything is different. The routine you might have had before with your partner is completely turned upside down and you realize that you have to re-coordinate everyday life with your child. That's why a good plan is the be-all and end-all. To ensure you don't lose track, you should rely on tools that can help you. These are, for example:
- a good wall calendar
- a folder for applications and paperwork
- a household plan
Then write yourself a list – whether with pen and paper or a suitable app – and collect the most important tasks and points for your everyday life as a single dad. Set one day a week for the big grocery shop. Ask yourself if you want to clean the apartment yourself or if you want to get help. When is the best time for a laundry day? And what about your child's hobbies? Recurring events such as club activities can be planned well, and perhaps you can network with other fathers and mothers to share the driving.
Once you have noted down the daily tasks, create a weekly plan based on this and bring all points into a sensible structure. Your working hours and daycare or school times form the framework. Of course, things always come up: parents' evenings, check-ups at the pediatrician, illness, leisure fun, and school trips. Nevertheless: weekly planning is an anchor and gives you a good rhythm. Because concrete plans are important so as not to fall into unnecessary stress – and so that your child does not miss out.
Single father: The emotional task
On the one hand, you have to manage everyday life with a child alone, on the other hand, a great emotional challenge awaits you as a single father. You are responsible for giving your child stability. A separation or the loss of the mother is extremely stressful for your offspring. It is all the more important that you show your child: I am by your side. Regardless of age.
Should an unpleasant, difficult separation or divorce have made you a single father, then it is only human if you are occasionally annoyed with the child's mother or think poorly of her. Nevertheless: do not badmouth your ex-partner in front of your child. A good relationship between your offspring and the mother is sustainably important for stable development.
Particularly important: A good support network
It can sometimes be overwhelming to be solely responsible for a child and to be an emotional support. That's why it's important for single fathers (and of course mothers too) to have a good environment of friends and relatives. Often, your child's grandparents can also support you in everyday life and on weekends. So don't be afraid to ask for help. Try to get the support you need. You can also always fall back on official funding. Because even if you would love to be the super-dad for your child around the clock, don't forget: you are a human being. And every human being needs help sometimes. That is perfectly okay!
Being a single parent is no easy task
Whether a single father or a single mother, accompanying a child as they grow up largely alone is no easy task. Not losing yourself in the process is extremely important for mental health. Take care of yourself, try to schedule time for yourself where you can pursue your interests, meet friends, or take up a new hobby.
The time with your child is irreplaceable and precious. But it doesn't mean you have to stay alone forever. A new partner might turn your life upside down again, but can be a positive enrichment of your life as a small family and ultimately complement you.
