Nowadays, our smartphone is our constant companion and it seems to have become quite commonplace and normal for us to pull it out at regular intervals to check something. Has a WhatsApp message arrived? Have I missed a call? You also need to keep an eye on your emails, and your new best friend is Google, because it can provide almost any information you need in no time at all: from library opening times to the weather forecast to the cinema program - and you can even buy tickets online. Many people can no longer imagine being without their cell phone for even a few hours.
But how do our children feel when mom and dad keep looking at their cell phones?
Smartphone & addiction: Just a quick look...
Parents want to be a good role model for their children. And at the same time, parents don't want their children to beaddicted to their smartphone andnot know how tokeep themselves occupied in any other way.
And yet very few of us manage to consistently resist the constant temptation. After all, there are plenty of excuses to justify "just having a quick look" at your cell phone - even if your children are sitting at the table with you.
However, this can have fatal consequencesfor living with a baby or toddler or for family life in general. Children are not stupid and quickly notice when they are alwaysplayingsecond fiddle and when they arecompeting for mom and dad's attentionwith the smartphone.If it happens more often or even regularly that their parents only watch or listen to them half-heartedly, the offspring feel downright abandoned and not taken seriously. The result is that children of such parents feelless connected , but the parents also lose the feeling of connection.Soif you are constantly online, you risk having a poorer connection with your children and everyone else who is close to you.
Sharingattention with the cell phone?
No child wants to share mom and dad'sattention with their smartphone. It is extremely frustrating and discouraging for children when they want to ask their parents something or show them something. When they want tointeract with them by looking at them or laughing at them and all they get is: "Wait, I can't right now,I' m almostready.What did you say?", more than just appreciation and respect for the child falls by the wayside.
No matter how big or small your child is - they will notice that the attention of the parents is not focused on them, but on the small, flat flicker box. Smaller children in particular, who are not yet able to speak, are dependent on wordless communication with their parents. However, this is impossible if the grown-ups' gaze is glued to the smartphone screen.
Children need feedback from their parents so that they feel that they are taken seriously. So that they know that they are valued. This is fundamentally important for children so that they can build up their self-confidence. For younger children in particular, attention from their parents is virtually proof of their own existence. If someone behaves for long enough as if you weren't there or were transparent, you would eventually feel like a ghost. What's more, if parents keepputtingtheir offspring off and telling them off because they "just need to check something on their phone for a moment", the children draw the logical conclusion that they are not as important as the smartphone. A fatal realization.
Looking at the cell phone leaves the children alone
It is obvious that children who are taught to behave in this way will also make excessive use of their smartphones later on. A sensible and moderate approach to media looks different, but children literally have no choice if they have never known any other way.
But there are also much more immediate, concrete dangers lurking. When you get right down to it, parents who are constantly looking at their phones are breaching their duty of supervision. They may be physically present, but in reality they are barely aware of what is going on around them. Some children take advantage of this and seize the opportunity to do things that their parents would otherwise intervene in immediately. If mom and dad are constantly distracted and not looking anyway, the child has no limits. This can quickly lead to damage to the furniture and interior design. But it can also quickly have much more serious consequences.
Children want to experience themselves and the world and are often not yet able to assess risks properly. And for many years now, the number of outdoor accidents has multiplied because the supervisors, i.e. mother or father, but perhaps also babysitters or aunts, uncles etc., are distracted by their cell phones and therefore do not realize that the child is in a dangerous situation.
Parents urgently need to realize that the illusion of being able to keep a close eye on everything despite all the distractions and being able to intervene in an emergency is just that: an illusion.
What is the consequence of this??
Smartphones are poison for direct interpersonal relationships. They prevent coherent conversations and eye contact. If you stare hypnotized at your cell phone, you are no longer "there", no longer in the here and now. So the advice should actually be: Throw them in the bin.
But of course it's not that simple. Smartphones have become an integral part of modern life. We may still cherish the wishful thinking that we are in control of technology, but in fact we have long since been controlled by technology. It is therefore unrealistic to want to banish smartphones completely, unless you are planning to move to a remote cave far away from civilization with your family.
Since a complete ban does not seem possible, it is important to introduce rules and implement them consistently. Perhaps the most important one is: no headline, no chat message, no email and no cat video is more important than the people you love. Put the smartphone away when you are with your children so that they never feel unimportant. Set fixed times when you switch off all mobile devices for an hour or two. Ban phones from the dinner table.
It will certainly take some experimentation to find the best way to use your smartphone, but it's worth the effort. For your children and for yourself. Perhaps a "digital detox" is also necessary for a while, i.e. a complete renunciation of smartphones and computers in order to return to a healthy use of the cell phone.
Honest self-observation is also essential. It is well known that cell phones can be addictive. Many apps are directly designed to stimulate the reward system in the brain. If you cannot control your addiction and your family life is suffering as a result, you should seek help.
Your children have a right to your full attention and appreciation. And so do your partners.
The dose makes the poison
When the baby is peacefully taking a nap in the swing2sleep,being rocked gently and continuously and feeling safe and secure all around thanks to the boundaries, then we can use the time to catch up on the latest news on our smartphones, watch videos or play a game. It's not about demonizing technology. Technology is not good or bad, it depends on how we use it. As long as the smartphone does not damage our relationships, it is a valuable and useful tool or just an entertainment device. Just like in medicine, moderate and controlled use can make our lives easier and richer. If we use too much and in an uncontrolled manner, this has serious consequences for ourselves and our family.
The dose makes the poison.
