Perhaps you have heard of attachment parenting or needs-oriented pedagogy before, but couldn't quite make sense of the term. This topic, which also plays an important role in psychology, is certainly interesting for parents.
Needs-oriented pedagogy: What is it supposed to be?
Anyone who deals with upbringing in any form will repeatedly encounter fundamentally different views and ideas. Opinions have been divided on the question of how best to treat and raise a child for as long as children have existed. In all eras of human history, the upbringing of the next generation has always sparked heated debate. And it has always been about the question: What is the right way? But perhaps there is no "right" or "wrong" at all? And indeed, there is not just black or white, not just hard or soft.
Extremes in upbringing
Nevertheless, the fronts are mostly hardened: One side gets worked up about the fact that some children are simply allowed to do everything without ever having boundaries set, while others insist on how important it is for child development that the child's needs are respected, because only then can a good relationship with the child be achieved. Is there a middle ground in between? Between authoritarian and laissez-faire, between strictness and indulgence?
And if so, what can it look like?
Upbringing – what is that actually supposed to mean?
Let's best start by taking a closer look at the term "upbringing". This word already implies that children are "brought up" by us adults and shaped into how we would like them to be. Behind this lies the ancient idea that a child is born as an imperfect being and must then be raised accordingly so that it can even become a member of – adult - society. This is only possible if boundaries and rules are set for them. To a certain extent, this may even be true. If we actually let our offspring get away with everything, a reasonable coexistence would be hard to imagine. Anyone who lives together with other people in a society – whether in the family, with friends, in a club or in professional life – must undoubtedly adapt in some form.
However, the educational principle of obedience and subordination that prevailed for centuries has rightly come under increasing criticism in recent decades. Today, values such as tolerance, self-experience, self-fulfillment, and empathy are more in the foreground.
Nevertheless, there are rules without which a society cannot function. Without any discipline, every social fabric collapses.
Successful upbringing must be about finding the ideal balance within this field of tension.
Needs-oriented pedagogy marks a paradigm shift. Unlike in the past, evaluation or even judgment and punishment of a child's behavior is strictly avoided. Instead, it is seen as a signal, a form of communication. However, the prerequisite for this is that a good relationship already exists between parents and child and that they treat each other with appreciation. A premise here is that children do not want to provoke with their behavior, but rather want to cooperate. The goal of needs-oriented pedagogy is not children who bend to the will of adults and are trained to function and subordinate themselves, but children who grow up to be self-confident, yet empathetic adults whose interactions with other people are characterized by respect and appreciation. According to today's view, this is difficult to achieve with an old-school upbringing. If you don't leave your child any freedom, suppress them, and force them into obedience, they themselves experience neither appreciation nor respect. So how are they supposed to show both towards others? As the name suggests, attachment parenting focuses primarily on the respective needs of the child. All human beings share the same basic emotional needs, such as love, security, recognition, and respect. Parents and educators are therefore faced with the task of protecting and respecting the basic needs of children. Nevertheless, this must remain compatible with the fundamental idea of upbringing: preparing them for a successful life in this society. Attachment parenting is based on the idea that children are equal to their parents. Accordingly, parents have no right to shape children at will like a possession. Instead, they are teachers or mentors with the mission of preparing their protégés for life. Therefore, this equality does not mean that children within a family are on the same level as parents and have the same rights as adults. As it turns out, attachment parenting is based on a foundation that allows it to go far beyond a mere educational system. In a way, it is more of an attitude towards life. The concept of basing upbringing on the needs of the child quickly leads to misunderstandings. Some parents equate an attachment-oriented approach with anticipating and immediately fulfilling every wish of their offspring. But that is exactly what it is not about. Parents who want to constantly please their children not only quickly lose the authority they need in their leadership role, they also neglect another important basic need: the need for structure and orientation. This also includes that children must learn to deal with disappointments, and that the world does not only revolve around them. At the same time, basic needs must never be lost sight of. Our swing2sleep automatic baby hammock can also be a useful helper in this regard. It cradles your baby snugly in a calming and pleasantly cozy boundary and rocks them with rhythmic up-and-down movements, just as they already know from the womb. This naturally gives the baby a sense of security and comfort. The swing2sleep steps in when you or your partner cannot carry the baby directly on your body, or even when you just want to read something in peace. Attachment parenting must therefore fulfill the basic needs of the child without compromise and at the same time meet the requirements of social realities, which certainly require a good measure of discipline and adherence to rules. This sounds like quite a balancing act that is demanded of parents. This requires a delicate touch: even attachment parenting leaves parents with plenty of room for maneuver. Some things can be handled a bit more strictly, while others can be approached more loosely. Wherever children actually need guidance, it is perfectly fine to be a bit firmer. However, the child must always be given the feeling of being loved, valued, and recognized, even in the event of misconduct. They must feel safe, secure, and accepted within their family. That sounds like a real challenge, and it is! Furthermore, attachment-oriented pedagogy does not exclude raising children to be considerate. Quite the contrary: If they disturb other people with their behavior, parents must clearly point this out, set boundaries, or if necessary, draw consequences. It simply doesn't work without them. If the child disturbs other guests in a restaurant or theater through their behavior and this cannot be stopped, you will subsequently leave the place. This is not about punishing the child, but about being considerate of the other visitors. If they are already old enough, the child learns that their own freedom ends where it restricts others, and that their behavior has consequences. Attachment-oriented pedagogy does not propagate specific parenting techniques, but follows the philosophy that the basic needs of the child must always be the focus. Contrary to a common misunderstanding, it is not about letting the reins slip and letting the child get away with everything, but about giving them structure and orientation in addition to love, security, and appreciation. It is not about impulse satisfaction, but about the development of a healthy personality that matures into a respectful, loving, and appreciative fellow human being. It is about learning to recognize and accept one's own limits and at the same time showing oneself respect and love. Hardly anything is more important than letting children experience from the very first moment that they are loved unconditionally and without reservation by their parents. What is needs-oriented pedagogy?
What are the goals of needs-oriented pedagogy?
Traditional or attachment-oriented upbringing – what is the right path?
Attachment parenting does not mean following every impulse, every desire of the child. It is not about satisfying a basic need when the little one throws themselves screaming on the floor at the supermarket checkout because they absolutely want a sweet, or when they have a tantrum because they insist on only eating from the red plate. Attachment parenting addresses the basic needs whose fulfillment is of elementary importance for healthy psychological development, in order to prepare children as well as possible for the challenges in their later life.
The challenge begins immediately after birth. Even an infant has basic emotional needs such as love and security, which must be fulfilled unconditionally from the very first moment. The right balance
Sounds difficult? It is!
How should you behave when your offspring completely misbehaves? Of course, intervention is necessary and the behavior must be sanctioned. In the concept of attachment parenting, however, this falls short. Rather, a look behind the scenes is required. Why does the child sometimes behave so conspicuously? Where is the actual core of the problem? Punishment or consequence?
Conclusion
